Gestation

Waiting in the ward

Is a flawed plan

The world spins on

Whilst I just am

9 months pass

And I am still waiting

A human can be created and born

In this duration

A new life who has no idea

How valuable

Their freedom truly

Is

Tied to the ward

Like a fetus is to their mother

The cord is wrapped around me

Allows me to move, but also limits me

I am waiting to be born back into

Society

Waiting in the dark

I can only dream of sleep

Shadows recede their mark

As dawn begins to slowly creep

Gestating inside the hospital

I grow up and move

Around its sterile walls

Hearing echoes from the outside

Am I ready to be born out

Back into society?

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An Open Letter to God on the Theme of Waiting

Dear Lord,

We know thy kingdom come, thy will be done.

We wait in hopeful anticipation

But

Waiting is hard

I have done a lot of waiting this season: waiting on mental health assessments, waiting on the ward, waiting on a new home, waiting

Night after night after night when sleep alludes me

In the dark wee hours I try to remind myself

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done

And then I go back to waiting

As dawn breaks and the ward rises from a slumber I can only dream of I am told to be a patient

Patient

I am told to be patient; by the psychiatrist

The preacher

The nurses

And each

Like Job’s friends swarming around him, offering their opinions

But I am left waiting

Wanting

Asking why God?

Why have you left me waiting longer than your other children

Like at road where the traffic whizzes by and I am left waiting

For a safe path to form so I can continue my journey

I wait for the red sea to part

The traffic grumbles, the preacher’s voice rumbles

As I wait

The seasons have passed in this season of waiting

Hot summers gave way to the season of harvest which waxed and waned to reveal a cold winter

The season of advent, a time of hope and anticipation as we wait on your promise of a saviour, only touched shallowly in my own life

I was left at the back of the church, back in the cold

Waiting to hear the Word in your words

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done

I await your response to me

Yours sincerely,

Your child.

Waiting Prayer

Waiting, waiting and still waiting

Time passes slowly as I wait

Waiting to see the doctor

Waiting to get a new home

Waiting for God

To speak

To tell me why I have been waiting

For so long

To see his kingdom come

To see his will be done

On the earth and in heaven

It is a season of waiting

But where is the end?

Dear Lord I pray to you

That if this is a season of waiting

That you give me the patience and personal strength

To wait

For your will to come to fruition

And as I wait

In this hospital

In this place of waiting

That you do not leave my side

So that I have someone

To wait with